I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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