Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
