It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
