so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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