My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
