that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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