cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I could fuck to npr.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
