The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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