I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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