I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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