You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
