I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
