there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
