You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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