Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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