Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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