Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
