my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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