stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
