The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
