about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
