could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
