lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
