My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
