Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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