Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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