allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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