whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
