I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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