My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
