can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
