She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
