if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
