we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
