so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
