Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
