so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
