Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
