We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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