At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
