when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
