i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
