it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
