who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
