After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
