its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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