The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
