how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
