dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
