I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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