You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
