I think I am morally bankrupt
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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