I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
