both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
