I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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