officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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