you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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