you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i need some magic done to my vagina
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
