Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I need a burrito and a hug.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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