there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
