dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
