Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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